There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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