Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
