why didn't you poke me back
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
