Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
