I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
