Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
