Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
