This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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