I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
