god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
