in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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