Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
