I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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