Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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