I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
