Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
