New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
