I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
