covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
