he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
