I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just found a bag of teeth...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
