Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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