her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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