Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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