walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
