Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
