I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
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He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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