I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
