you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
