Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
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It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
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I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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