Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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