so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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