He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
