I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
