Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
