She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize