Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
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I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
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I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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