does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
