I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
