the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
