What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
