Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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