I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
