I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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