it hurts more in the daytime
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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