When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
