She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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