I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
