I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
