dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
