Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
