zippers are such a cool invention
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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