do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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