Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
