I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
