I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Life is so much better after having sex.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
