Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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