I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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