Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
