we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
