I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
