Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
