"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Is Oprah even human
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
