need another drink. this is the easiest way
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
