he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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