Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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