We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
