4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
