I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
