Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize