it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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