I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
