i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
