Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
