Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
