So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
this beer tastes like vomit already
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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