I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
