i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
