Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
