And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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