i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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